trojan opus

purplemonkeysexgod69:

I brought a houseplant
to work to make things
look alive for a change

but I kept forgetting to
water it

fortunately it’s made
out of plastic
but I meant to pretend to
water it occasionally and
even bought an antique
teapot to use as a pretend
watering can

now I pretend that there’s
a genie in it (the teapot)
I rub it every so often and
make a wish

so far the only wish it
has granted is for doughnuts
to magically appear in the lunchroom

which I think was a coincidence because
our boss will occasionally bring in
doughnuts to the lunchroom in an effort
to boost morale

it hardly ever works (the morale boosting)
but it did that day
because I thought
the genie finally started listening
to me so I made another wish

to win the lottery

but that didn’t come true so
I was kind of depressed but then
I realized that it was probably my
fault since I never played the lottery
and have never bought a lottery ticket

today I remembered to pretend
to water the plant
I also dusted it off with a wet
paper towel

the plant reminds me of me
sort of alive but not quite

we sure do brighten up the place

a loveletter to skynet

purplemonkeysexgod69:

god asked me for the change
I didn’t have so I offered him
my leftover pizza in a box instead
he refused and waved me off
as he took a call on his cellphone

he left only one set of footprints
in the snow, it was white, the snow
not the footprints, those were
brownish-black like my dog
who decided to urinate on the
decorated christmas tree

I had to clean it up
fortunately there were no gifts
under it this year
fortunately

it leans to one side, the tree,
not my cock, which I hadn’t mentioned
yet until now, it hangs to one side

god is a black man
like Santa Claus
and jesus christ

that’s what the fox says

missing Link

purplemonkeysexgod69:

Zelda,

I’m off to visit my homeland, Japan, to bathe in the blood of bludgeoned dolphins— the source of my poetic powers. If you see me around tumblr, it will be because I will be setting up my queue before I leave. Any other observed activity will be a figment of your imagination. I shall return sometime after the The Great Pumpkin rises from the grave like The Prophet Muhammed. I may or may not miss any of you. Don’t worry, you won’t even notice me ignoring you. Stay awesomesauce.

Cheers,
The Monkey

missing Link

Zelda,

I’m off to visit my homeland, Japan, to bathe in the blood of bludgeoned dolphins— the source of my poetic powers. If you see me around tumblr, it will be because I will be setting up my queue before I leave. Any other observed activity will be a figment of your imagination. I shall return sometime after the The Great Pumpkin rises from the grave like The Prophet Muhammed. I may or may not miss any of you. Don’t worry, you won’t even notice me ignoring you. Stay awesomesauce.

Cheers,
The Monkey