Disciples of Ink

We believe in alliteration.

We believe in consuming copious amounts
of caffeine to feed our creativity.

We believe in the decapitalization
of i when completely unnecessary.

We believe in using the letter u
in words that do not need them.

We believe that the colour of the sky
is surrender.

We believe that the thoughts that
come to us at 3:00 am hold the
most significance.

We believe that cigarettes can’t kill
souls that are already dead.

We believe that drowning in alcohol
makes us profound.

We believe that archaic typewriters make
us legitimate.

We believe that tattoos make us
look cool; scars — even cooler; beards —
fucking geniuses.

We believe that the words we write
love us back.

love letters between a blow dryer and a towel



Just who do you think you are?It’s bad enough that I only get to see you when you have something to do around me, but now this? Do you have to be so touchy feely with everyone right in front of me? It’s honestly embarrassing to watch, a friendly hug is one thing but touching people in every imaginable corner of their bodies is a little bit too much for me. Look, don’t give me that - “it’s in your nature”, “it’s who you are” crap, or the “you knew about this going in” story. I know you like to console people, wrap them around you in your oh so warm embrace when they’re not feeling well. It’s nauseating. Everytime you decide to soak up every other guys problem it ends up really weighing down on you, you’re drenched in frustration and it takes you a while to dry off and move on from that. They’re taking advantage of you, and they always end up just leaving you hanging anyway. 

Just take this into consideration, you know I mean well. I just want this to work.


Blow Dryer

Blow Dryer,

Let’s be real here, if you’re trying to allude to some kind of sexual misconduct on my part, you need to take a good long look at yourself. Do you know how aggressive you can be? You just come at me with full blown force especially when you’re turned on. No romantic setting, gentle foreplay, just selfishness and dominance.That screams depraved. You wouldn’t be so controlling of me if you would just try and make more friends, it’s not my fault you continuously blow people off. Even when people try to tough it out and befriend you regardless, if they get too close they always just end up getting burnt.I’m flexible, you’re rigid.We just have two different personalities you and I - unlike you, I don’t mind getting my hands dirty for the people I care about.  Their problem is my problem, and they can’t really be helped from a distance. It takes time, intimacy, hard work - things you would never even begin to comprehend.

The truth is, I thought we were alike. I thought we were put on this earth to serve the same purpose, together. I was wrong. We’re just too different. Different, to the very depths of our beings - and no amount of love, or compromise, will change that.

Yours sincerely,


near miss

your hand
brushed mine
as you handed me
the receipt
to my skinny vanilla soy latte

in that moment

I was totes eye-fucking you
yeah, I was, like totally

you had asked me my name
and wrote it on my cup

I didn’t ask you yours

and that is why
this love story
never happened

and why I’m left alone
watching porn


I grieve

we don’t mourn
the flowers we kill

we adorn funerals
with bright blooms
of oblivion as we celebrate
the life of the deceased

the bride walks down
the aisle carrying death
in her hands as the groom
wears the smile

here you are, mother
here is a bouquet
of severed heads
for all your labor

I love you

is a rose in bloom
in a vase
on the kitchen table

we don’t mourn
the flowers we kill

Dating Advice For My Children If They Don’t Want Me To Automatically Dismiss Whomever They Bring Home.


- Don’t date guys who wear thongs and jeans. Flip flops for the yanks.
- Don’t date anyone who wears white sunglasses.
- Don’t date anyone who wears straight brim hats.
- Don’t date anyone who uses a bluetooth headset when they get out of the car.
- Don’t date anyone who wears a “Tapout” shirt, because they win every fight they get in, and you will lose should you need the need arise.
- Don’t date anyone whose first language is English that does not speak, write, or text in complete, and grammatically correct, sentences.
- Don’t date guys who wear bandanas that do not live in LA.
- Don’t date anyone who drinks goon. Cask wine for the foreigners.
- Don’t date someone who likes things ironically, because they don’t understand irony. If I have done my job right, you will realise the irony of people like that.
- Don’t date anyone who says they’re an “artist”, but never lets you see them do their thing.
- Definitely do not bring someone home who’s wearing a Ramones shirt who doesn’t know who the Ramones are.
- Do not even introduce me to someone who doesn’t know who Led Zeppelin is.
- And THE BIG ONE, date someone who makes you happy, even if I raise an eyebrow.

I agree with everything… except for the thongs and jeans (i.e. flip flops). Shoes are chains, bro. Shoes are chains. lol

Ufo for Assuming a Random Association of Words


for purplemonkeysexgod69’s cool url

This feeling is
a centrifuge of
monkey blood
turned dark purple
separating the myth from the legend from the superstitious sightings
at rest stops where
69ing is best done
in the back of a black semi
as it pulls out
and trucks into the bare-chested, barrel-chested night,
leaving behind epiphanies in every espionage
cell phone tapping sex-tracker,
their gyrating fists slowed to gradual pumping,
mystified by the secret to that hot-blooded
piece of Orion,
da one and only
god who hits
each ripple-jarred axis,
G-force popping
G-string tell me your
tips a phone #,
calls it
a night and reclines
back into that spitfire constellation,